Posted on January 12, 2023

Reflecting on life after redundancy and finding a silver lining.

You go to bed one night safe in the knowledge that you have a regular paycheck for your morning lattes, the multitude of subscriptions you’ve forgotten about and the torrent of monthly costs associated with living. Not insubstantial when home is Marin, CA.

And the next morning, it gets taken away. Life suddenly gets very real. The rubber hits the road, as they say.

The current lay-offs we are experiencing is giving me a sense of deja-vu. Everyone’s situation is specific and deeply personal. But I’m writing this in the hope it might resonate. If it helps one person…

Covid brought about my redundancy. I’d set up the US operation for a successful UK events and marketing business. We’d hired people. We’d invested significant time creating the company to support a handful of selected west-coast partners and build those relationships. We had bold ambitions. Clients were making all the right noises and opportunities were coming in. But we were early-stage. We were fragile.

Too fragile as it turned out.

We were no match for Covid. Our pipeline disintegrated. Budgets disappeared. Clients had nothing to offer us, not even a timeline of when to next catch up. It was all cost and no income — and no end in sight. Shutting down the office was the only move to make.

The impact was instantaneous. How do I tell my wife? How will we pay the rent? Can we stay in CA, or will we have to move back to the UK? And what about my colleagues? Will they be OK? The stress is significant.

Now, I must add, I was lucky. As a UK company, my employer was as generous as they could be and did everything they could to help. Nevertheless, it felt like a Tyson-esque punch to the guts.

However, despite the immediate turmoil, after a few days, a lifeboat slowly emerged into view.

That lifeboat was me changing my mindset. I don’t wish to sound sanctimonious. I’m not writing this high from having just meditated for an hour listening to Tibetan monks chanting. This is a very stressful, life-changing situation.

But, we choose how we respond. And I genuinely believe that in every challenging situation, there are silver linings. We just need to be open to seeing them and capitalizing on them.

I learnt this after my father died. Even in the depths of grief, there can be green shoots of positivity, hope, opportunity.

For me, that silver lining has been being able to devote my time and energy to my young kids and support my wife’s career. I became a full time Dad, (after a lengthy panel interview process I might add!). And I discovered I wasn’t the only one. There appears to be an increasing number of Dads at home looking after the kids and supporting their wives’ careers.

And I can see why. What started as a stop-gap solution due to being unable to continue paying for childcare, has turned into a role I cherish. Sitting with my 5 year old daughter as she began her highly anticipated school journey… on Zoom. Meeting her teacher and classmates via ipad. Then spending 5 months glued to a screen?! Crazy. So, I took full part in her classes. I listened to the stories, learnt the dance routines, made music and did her PE sessions.

We navigated this weird virtual, mask-wearing world together — having a blast as we did so. My daughter loved it, and stayed engaged with this rather alternative school experience. And I learnt how to dance Jerusalema.

Together with my 3 year old son, we went on bike rides and nature walks. Swam in creeks. Hit the beaches during lock down. Did crafts. Learned math. Sorry, maths. (Side note to my American friends, where did the ‘s’ go, folks?!)

And, now? I’m still the primary caregiver and I love it. Drop offs and pickups. Spending time in my kids’ school community. Volunteering. Sorting lunches and arranging playdates. Shuttling between the myriad of after school activities. I’m deeply present with my kids. Maybe too present sometimes. I have a coaching / advisory consultancy I’m building up. But it fits around my main ‘role’.

This is a balance we now actively look to protect as a family.

I look back on the last couple of years as a truly wonderful time, genuinely thankful we have been able to bond as a family like this. Sure, I’ve had to change my own perception as a Dad running the home whilst my wife is pulling up trees at work. Not literally. You know what I mean.

We’ve found a balance. And we are thriving off it.

Would we have found that if I hadn’t been made redundant? Honestly, who knows.

However, I do know that I had to embrace the change and be open to alternatives.

Life isn’t linear. Roll with it.

As my father in law said recently: “grab the opportunity of a lifetime, in the lifetime of the opportunity.”

So, stay positive. There are silver linings where you least expect them.

Hope this is in some way useful. Feel free to reach out, add thoughts.

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